It’s Not Rejection: It’s Redirection.

“Everything’s borne out of the human experience, of course – rejection, humiliation, poverty, whatever. People aren’t born bad, no matter how harsh the circumstances. There is a person in there, and that person is not made of ice.”

Being humans, we all are vulnerable to devastating “Rejections” that eventually gets transformed into unbearable emotional wounds over time. At times, the pain transcends beyond the tolerance limits, almost leaving us emotionally paralyzed. 

Ironically, no matter the rejection comes in what form, big or small, it hurts more than we can imagine. Even varied studies revealed that a few specific areas of the brain became activated when a few people were being placed in functional MRI machines and were asked to recall a fresh rejection.  

Especially, social rejection is the hardest to deal with as it can influence emotional well-being, cognition, and even physical health. Ostracized people can sometimes become extremely aggressive and can resort to violent acts to express their anger. 

How our brain got wired this way?

Social rejection makes us feel emotionally unsettled. People generally tend to seek inclusion elsewhere after experiencing rejection. They try to reconnect to heal their self-esteem and to bring back the sense of belonging. Nevertheless, the same may not be true in everybody’s case. A few people resort to altogether a different way of responding to rejection. They become aggressive to express their emotional pain. This leads to a vicious circle of rejection and decreasing social acceptance as between both there lies a strong co-relation. If theories of Evolutionary psychologists are to be believed the fear of rejection that was being instilled in the tribal people continued getting passed on to the genes of the next generations. 

A few common examples of Rejection:-

A friend overlooking a text message. 

Being turned down for a date. 

Not receiving an invitation to a colleague’s party.

A partner leaving for somebody else.

Proven strategies to deal with Rejection

No single formula can work for all alike. Coping with rejection depends on one’s personality type, mindset and of course maturity. Here are a few proven ways to cope up with rejection:- 

Acknowledgement 

Applying “Emotional First Aid” is indeed the most proven ways to boost your self-esteem and acknowledgement is the foundation on which emotional first aid is made of. We all are humans at the end of the day and embracing vulnerability does more good rather than harm. Brushing off rejection will only make things worse. No matter how strong you are as a person, seek support to speak your heart out about what you have been feeling.  

Say no to put-down thinking. 

Rejection can often make you doubt yourself. Substance abuse, suicide and depression are quite common responses to long-term ostracism. Constant put-down thinking will only amplify a rejection to catastrophe level. Therefore, one must stay clear of it. Rejection for sure is disappointing. However, the good news is that it is not the end of the world.

Use Rejection to Your Gain

Dealing with Rejection is never easy but there lies an array of sure shot ways to limit the same. History is filled with great examples of people who perceived rejection as an opportunity for self-improvement. Take rejection as a harsh reality check. 

Face your fear

Going for what you desire imparts you an opportunity to embrace an experience-of-a-lifetime. I would strive to avoid rejections as much as possible until I discovered a proven formula to cope up with Rejection named “Exposure Therapy”. Maybe luck had been on my side and I came across a powerful video that explains how you can conquer the fear of rejection like a pro. The rules of this therapy are pretty electrifying. All you require doing is prepare a list of 10 of your biggest rejection fears based on your imagination or previous experience and then formulate strategies to counter the same. For an instance, if you struggle with romantic rejection phobia, start taking baby steps towards it. Rather than approaching somebody directly, you may initiate with creating a dating profile to gradually progress to chatting to finally meeting in person. 

Personally, after experiencing all kinds of rejections encompassing ostracism, business, social and beyond, I have learned that rejection is not always final. Especially Ostracism (an act of intentionally not including me in activities and social group has certainly left a permanent emotional scar on my emotional well-being). Despite that during the entire process of bouncing back from rejection, I learnt to trust on timing that is everything while staying on the path, working hard as much as I could. Remember when your time will come, it will indeed be the perfect time to connect all the dots of rejections that led you where you are today. 

The Final Thoughts 

Life is all about exploring while stepping out of your comfort zone. Exploration is indeed the candid essence of the human spirit. It is when we strive to venture into the unknown, rejection is always a possibility. Therefore, next time when you are going to ignore things fearing rejection, remember you might miss out on a beautiful experience. Besides that do not forget to practice self-compassion that works like magic while you strive to bounce back from rejection. Leaning on your support network is yet another timeless tactic to keep anxiety and panic attacks at bay. When nothing seems to work, embrace a nomadic life up to the time till you recover as fearing rejection will only make you chicken heart in the long run. So far, I came across an array of motivational content related to Rejection but Jia Jang’s video on YouTube named “What I learned from 100 days of rejection” totally changed my perception 360 degrees related to Rejection.

 “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.”